What Is Love?
by ShipALLTheStr8Men
Summary: POV from Eren Jaeger; Eren loves fighting titans for the sake of humanity, but isn't there something more to life? People miss people when they're gone, but why, is it because of this thing called 'love? Will Eren be missed if he's suddenly defaced from the Earth? Will Eren ever be 'loved?
1. The Darkness' Lullaby

I deeply sighed as I heard the click of my door, I pushed it open to allow myself into another type of darkness.  
I really enjoy fighting titans, I do, but I'm beginning to feel as if a large fragment of my heart is missing; I feel as if I'm solely recognized as a tool, though I don't quite mind since it shows I'm useful.  
It's just, most of everyone I love dies in front of my very own eyes, although I know it's not just me who's trapped in this anguish.

I lit my oil lamp and threw my aching body onto my bed, the only thing that seems to catch and hold me securely when I fall.

What happened to the fairy tales we grew up with; Didn't they portray love and so-called "happily-ever-after"s?  
"_Yeah right"_, I chucked out loud, hearing my pitiful voice ricochet off the walls.  
It's just night to have the thought of someone loving you; What does it feel like? Is it truly as happy as stories say, or will it simply hurt me in subtle ways?  
It's been so long since I've felt affection; Does family love differ from _this_ kind of love?

I observed the ceiling. Although this place may be falling apart, it's still somehow sticking _together_. This whole cabin is together: The wood sticks together, the floor sticks together, the bed sticks together, even the ceiling itself is a bunch of tiny particles sticking together.  
So what about me? I'm falling apart too, do_ I_ have something to keep me together?

A tear rolled down my face, yet I didn't even feel my eyes begin to water to begin with; Have I lost the ability to _feel_ as well?  
More tears began to fall.

I began to laugh to myself, or was it _at_ myself?

I covered my face with my forearm. Even my own tears have a cloth to stick to.  
I let out another laugh, beginning to not even be able to recognize my own voice.  
_Why _was I laughing? _Why_ was I crying? _What_ will any of this accomplish? I'm born to be a lone wolf; Maybe shouldering all of the world and it's pain will help others, so that makes it okay, right?

I curled into a ball, allowing thoughts, despair, and tears swallow me, along with the _cold, black _night.


	2. What is love?

"Eren?"  
I heard my name called, but where it was coming from and who articulated it was unidentifiable.  
"Eren, are you in here?", it called out again, but why does it sound so far away? Was the voice far away, or was _I _far away?

There was a pounding on a door, no, a pounding on _my_ door. I snapped back into my senses.

"Eren, I'm not fucking joking, get the hell up; We must discuss tomorrow's defense plans before morning, so that we could actually fucking use them_ tomorrow_." The voice grew more annoyed.

I recognized that I was in my room. I uncurled from my comforting ball-position, and sat up on my bed.  
"_Before morning"_, I recalled the mysterious, and ominous, voice say.  
"_What time is it anyway?", _I looked at the clock, it read 23:55; I must have passed out for about 2 hours or so.

"_Eren!"_, the voice and pounding intensified. Why couldn't I recognize the voice?  
I became pensive, quickly struggling to indicate the doer of the voice before they tore my door from its hinges. "_Tomorrow's defense plans. . .", _I contemplated. Then, I recognized it, finally.

"L-levi?", I called out, not realizing how raspy my voice had become.  
"Who else could it be, you damned brat? Now, open the damn door!"

I cleared my throat and stood up. Suddenly, my knees collapsed and I fell, pitifully, onto the floor. For some reason, I felt so weak and feeble.

"Eren, what was that?", Levi asked, getting more and more choleric with every passing second.  
I let out a nervous laugh, "Nothing, just dropped something, Heichou!". I collected myself and forced myself to get up and do my job: follow orders and prepare to eradicate titans.

I cracked open the door, enough to be able to see the less-than-content Rivaille sending me a death glare.  
"Yes, Heichou?" I asked cheerfully, feigning everything from my tone to smile. Unamused, he repeated himself: "The defense plans for tomorrow? I'd be delighted to go over them with you before it's necessary to initiate them?", he waved the delineations, spitefully.  
I don't want him seeing my face, which is assumingly red and stained with dried tears. "Great Idea!...so, what are they?", I asked, again feigning cheerfulness.  
Levi raised an eyebrow, seeming to become even more irritated. "Eren,", he sighed, "Wouldn't it make much more sense to go into your room, where it is light, so you could actually _fucking see _the plan?"

Crap, I had to quickly think of something to dodge that. "Ahaha...", I let out another nervous laugh, "honestly, you work hard and use up enough of your energy, no need to go to such extra effort. Just explain them here!", I explained.

He slammed his hand on the door, grabbing the edge, preparing to pry it open. "_Look_, Eren, I'm far too exhausted to deal with such nonsense bullshit. Now let the the hell in before I fucking kill you!". He began pushing the door open, and I began struggling to push it closed.  
"Heichou, please! No!", I begged, I didn't want to loose everything, all I had left was being a useful tool, I didn't want to be completely thrown away...

Levi was much stronger than I to begin with, let along being in my current, weak, state.  
"Eren, what the hell's the matter with you?!"  
I just kept struggling, I will not let myself be thrown away.

It wasn't long before Levi won the battle and threw the door open. He charged in, fuming, and grabbed me by the shirt, running me painfully into a wall, leaving the defense plan papers to scatter on the floor.  
"You've better have a _damn _good explanation for this!", if only stares could kill; I stood silent.  
"_Answer me!", _He yelled, as he violently shook me, turning me over to where the oil lamp lightened my sorrowful face.  
"Ere-!", he stopped.

_Shit._, I thought. It's all over, I'm going to be discarded, discarded like all of the other people who I once loved.

He examined my face, his expression slowly calming, yet still hinted with solemn. "What happened?", he loosened his grip on my shirt.  
I turned my face away, hair covering my puffy eyes.  
"Eren", he asked again, calmer this time. He sighed, "Eren, lookat me.".  
"_Tch!_", I grabbed his hands and tried to pry them off.  
"Eren, _look _at me.", his tone did not change this time. He let go with one of his hands, and fiercely, yet not painfully, turned my face to face his. My eyes widened, and my heart sunk.

"Eren, have you been crying?", his concern seemed sincere.  
"It doesn't matter.", I answered.  
"It _does _matter."

"Why would it?", I smirked, "_Tools _aren't guaranteed happiness."  
"What do you mean by '_tool_'?"  
"My happiness or sadness doesn't mean anything, I should focus solely on killing titans, because that's my only concern. . . that's all I'm _good _for."  
"Eren, what the hell are you blabbing on abou-"  
"There's no one for me!", I yelled, "Everyone has someone! Someone to catch them, and hold them together when they're falling apart!"  
"Eren. . ."  
"I enjoy fighting for humanity, I honestly do! But. . . what does it feel like to be loved?"  
"Love?", Levi asked.


	3. Tell Me What Love Is

**A/N: Hello, all~! Thank you SO, SO much for the reviews and follows/favorites, it really means a lot. I feel as if this may be the last chapter, because I'm not even sure how to continue this...(I'm really bad at continuing stories /shot) but suggestions are appreciated, so if there's something you would like to suggest, please do so :D!  
****_Enjoy~_**

* * *

**_"_**_What is love?"_, Levi repeated. "Well, quite honestly, it depends on the person. Love can be anything from a fairy-tale to a tragedy, honestly. If you had to give your best guess, what would you think it is?"

"I-I...", I stammered. Damn it, Levi, if I knew what it was, I wouldn't have asked you in the first place! "I really don't know...", I whispered, sulking. "I asked you _because _I didn't know."

With that, Levi gave a long sigh. Using the hand which already held my chin, he raised my face back up to meet his. Before I could register what was happening, I just felt my eyes go wide and something soft upon my lips. Panicking, I placed my arms on the attacker's chest, helplessly struggling to pull him away.  
"_What the hell is he doing?!", _I panicked in my mind.

I kept struggling, yet after a while.._.I didn't want to struggle. _After a while, after I let all of this sink in and register in my senses, it felt _good_.  
It's something I've never felt before, it's something I've been _yearning _ for. The arms which were once struggling to thrust the attacker away were now latching on to him like a helpless child.

_His lips_, they were so _soft_, so _warm_. They felt like the last piece of an unfinished puzzle, they felt _needed_ there, as if I was incomplete my whole life before this moment.

The kiss was just _unbelievably _soft, I felt myself melting into it, and melting into Levi himself. I begged for him to keep going, for him to _consume _ me as a whole.

After a while, we found ourselves at loss of breath, we needed air, _but I didn't want him to stop. _If I could choose a way to die, I would choose to die by being suffocated by his lips, no, to be suffocated by his _love_.

Sadly, he did as our bodies requested, and pulled away, leaving us panting close to each other, hot breaths mingling and tingling upon each other's faces.

"So, Eren, _what is love?_", Levi asked. My eyes shot back wide, then I eyed the ground and smiled to myself.  
"Love-..love is kind. It's heart-warming. I-it gives life purpose", I replied as Levi pulled me into a hug. "It feels like I can finally let go of my stress, and relax for once."I yawned. Having my muscles so relaxed is a new feeling to me, I haven't realized how tired I had felt and how tense I was.

Next thing I knew, I was being picked up by two strong, sturdy hands. "L-levi?!", I whined, quickly grasping him to ease the feeling of imbalance.  
"I can tell you're tired, brat.", he said as he gently lay me down on my bed. My face quickly reddened as he lay down next to me.

"Oi, you're red, brat, do you have a fever as well?", Levi questioned, facing me.  
I covered my face, somehow letting a light squeal escape from my lips, "Th-this is embarrassing!", I whined. He grabbed and pulled my hands away from my face, scooting in close to my face, and body, smirking. "Is love, _embarrassing_, Eren?"  
"Wh-what, n-no! I-it's just..."  
"Aww, little blushing Eren is so cute~!", Levi teased placing our noses together. I quickly pushed him away and smothered my face in my pillow, heat just radiating from my face.  
"I didn't know that my lover's a tsundere~.", Levi continued teasing, _what a jerk._  
"I-I'm not a tsundere!" I shot up, frowning and crossing my arms. "And I'm not your lover, _idiot_".

Levi was most definitely enjoying this, I've never seen him smile this much, or so smile at all for that matter. Is this what love does to people? It changes them, for the better, right? It makes them..._happy_.

My thoughts were interrupted with a pair of arms (once again) reaching for me, this time they wrapped around my neck and puled me back down to the bed.

"Eren,", Levi sighed, closing his eyes and toying with my hair, "_I'll make you love me, _whether you admit it or not.", he pulled me in tighter to him.  
"Good luck with that.", I scoffed, returning his hug, subconsciously.  
"Is that a challenge, _Jaeger_?"  
"It can't be called a challenge if there's no chance to begin with", I retorted.  
"I like a sassy partner~", Levi cooed.

I deeply inhaled, feeling myself getting sleepier, and _sleepier _ by the minute. I don't know why I was so much calmer than usual, I've never been able to get my body to willingly let me sleep. I pulled myself closer to Levi, adjusting myself for comfort, I think I heard him chuckle; _That bastard._

Whether it was the stable, reassuring arms holding me, or the _intoxicating _scent of Levi, something was dragging me into a deep sleep and there was no way that I was going to fight it.

Maybe for the first time I will get the full rest I've been desiring for all this time.


End file.
